I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
