I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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