Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
