If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
