im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I enjoy the company of your penis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
