VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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