Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
