it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
