I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
