I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
