proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
