I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
