ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
