i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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