She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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