yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
