Swine flu. Run for my life!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
