I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
