You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
FUCK WHALES
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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