I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
