If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
