he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
