i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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