It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
