and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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