Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
someone owes me an orgasm
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
