omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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