i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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