i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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