I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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