If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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