I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
