I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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