Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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