Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
