I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
