I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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