Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
