i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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