you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
