whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
