I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
