fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
