You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
