So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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