If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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