Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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