so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
