Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
