i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
