He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
