you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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