It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I smell like Dick and happiness
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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